Today has not had anything exciting happen. Dinner with my dad got pushed to sunday so i have some time to think about what iam going to say. I am not sure how he will react when i tell him what i have learned from the book i have been reading. No one else in my family is religous so i dont plan on telling them becsuse they may not understand.
I am going to see my dad tomorrow and I am really nervous. The last time I saw him was on gradation day in May. I am not sure how to tell him that I have been reading this great book and its changing my life and I am now starting to see things differently. I don’t know how he’ll react because he stopped going to church after my mom died also. I think hes still mad at god for what happened. I am not mad I just don’t understand why it had to happen and without any warning. I am pretty sure with all the drugs they had her on I don’t think she knew who we were or what was going on. I guess I am not mad I just have not accepted what has happened which is really sad because its been so long. I hate when people ask about my parents because if I tell them the truth they will think I am just some crazy person but in reality I am not because none of that was on purpose. Anyways I haven’t even told my sister that I have read the bible or even believe in god. I did tell my aunt and my other “aunt” like friend and they thought it was wonderful because I would fine more people like me and it would also help me deal with my past. I don’t think that anyone else in my family would understand but I can only hope they will.
Dear god, Please give me the strength I need for tomorrow and to get me through a difficult time. I also want to ask that you keep my friends in your thoughts because they mean a lot to me. Also keep my aunt in your thoughts because she is about to start her treatment all over again Monday. Keep our other friend in your thoughts he is having surgery today for his back and I know he will be okay.
I have been thinking about what I have read in the bible and I think its time for me to accept what has happened to me in the past. I am considering that I need to out to lunch with my dad and just tell him that I did not like what he did to us but that I now know it was gods doing. I know now that if it would not have happened I probably would not be in college working on my masters and I would not have come back to god the way I have now. I think that I will never be able to completely forgive him because it was horrible when I lived there and I was afraid to go home after every school day. I do not think I will feel the same way about him anymore because he does still that is so immature and only to make people feel bad about themselves for not helping him and I do not want to feel that way. I think that with time I will come to see that god has really helped me by bringing these terrible situations to me because even though I could not handle them at the time I can now learn through his love that it happened for a reason and I cant change what happened but I can change my outlook toward those events. I also know that now I really do have someone watching over me and its not just god. Sometimes I feel like I did something to disappointed them but I know that he all ready knew what was going to happen so I know that he forgives me and I learn not to those things again.
Now a small prayer: Dear God, I would like to say think you for keeping me in your heart and thoughts through out everything he though I gave up on you a long time ago. I know now that I should not have done that and I will be trying to straighten everything up with my family. Please keep them in your thoughts you know what they are going through. One of them has surgery tomorrow and I hope you will get him through it and back to his regular old self. Keep my aunt in your thoughts she goes back to chemo Monday and I know that it wipes her out all over again. Thank you for my friends in Chi Alpha because without their love, patience and understanding I would not have been able to come back to you. I know you put them in my life so I could love you again. Please forgive me for whatever I have done wrong some things I know I did wrong but other things I have not realized it yet. I trying to be a better person and keep up what you expect of me. Amen.
I finally have finished reading the New Testament and I have to say that it is wonderful to see how god loves us. He keeps us safe and helps us get through the problems we encounter every day. For me I now know that everything I went through was for a reason. If I had not have gone through that I would not be were I am today. I am still unsure about one aspect of it and I am still kinda of confused about why my aunt had to be the one that got sick. But I know that whatever happens he will protect me and be there for me even when I am sad or afraid. I think now I can reexamine my life and the people who I felt that have hurt me because I know that god would not want me to hold a grudge or blame other people for what I have gone through. I have been able to come through a lot of serious situations from the time I was born. I know that god was there the whole way and even though I strayed away from him for awhile because I was hurt and angry he brought me back through the people I have met in school.
I would like to think god for everything he has done for me. I know he keeps my family safe and watches over us. I know that he will keep my aunt safe and that he will take away the cancer that she has. I am also thankful for my friends that I have made that have helped me love him again. I am glad that he has brought me back to him and showed me that he never left even though I thought that he did not care for my family for what we had to go through. Amen.
So I finally graduated with my Bachelors in May and now I am starting my Masters in August. I haven’t been on all summer because I have been helping my family a lot because they all got sick at the end of last semester so I’ve been there to help out whenever they need me. Anyways today is an important day in the world of baseball. The All-star game is today and I am rooting for the American League. The Rangers have 3 players going: Yu Darvish, Nelson Cruz, and Joe Nathan. It will be a good game to watch because we would like home field advantage for the world series (which hopefully we will get back to this year). I have also been reading a great book that one of my groups of friends got me to read. I am almost done with the second half of the book and I will start the first half which is much longer later on in the semester. I am glad to say that I am now religious and I do believe very much and I think it will help me with my past and also right now and in the future. I will post later but not much exciting has happened since we are all taking care of my aunt and watching her closely so no symptom even if its small goes unnoticed. But we still have fun when her days are good for example we got to go out to eat and watch my grandfather dance at his senior center and it was great because I know she does not get very many outings except to doctor visits. Think of us because we are going through a lot and every day is a new day to see how she will feel. 🙂 ❤ ❤